Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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