Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
