i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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