I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
