like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
