she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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