Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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