We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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