Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
