Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
