i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
