Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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