well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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