He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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