guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
