you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it was like eating out sand paper
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
