Sry I called you an 8
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
