Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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