i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
