I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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