He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
