we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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