Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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