That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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