My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
tell me about the fingering
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