is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
