just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
