Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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