There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
