U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
