you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
