There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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