This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
