I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
