I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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