is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
