Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
