Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
