if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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