My first STD was from a foam party
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
