guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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