I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
