You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
