glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i will never coherently bang her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
