Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
porn star boner night. come get it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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