Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
