I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
