Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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