Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
