dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
