There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i already hear my dad disowning me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
