ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize