I think my vagina is haunted
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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