and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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