i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
