Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
