glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
