I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
