The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
