i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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