guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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