make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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