Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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