I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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