no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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