the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize