My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
