I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
