New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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