i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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