It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
