Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
