im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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