i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
