I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
